you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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