im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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