They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
