I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
