I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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