and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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