Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
