Swine flu. Run for my life!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
