This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
