You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
