she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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