I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
