planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
