What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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