I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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