eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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