OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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