Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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