what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
