I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
