i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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