When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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