I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
