there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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