I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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