hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
