Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
