You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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