I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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