when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
