Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
