I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
