i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
