No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My penis needs a shock collar
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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