You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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