Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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