i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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