just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
