I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
