Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
