I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize