i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
