I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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