At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
