In the future we'll all be gay
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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