Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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