Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
