Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
