you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
