whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
