she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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