He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
