did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
