I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
