I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
