R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
