i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
