She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
