So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
