You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
