I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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