Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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