lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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