that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
