she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Less talking, more tequila
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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