I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize