That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
