my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize