Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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