nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
