Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
