So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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