if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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