even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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