hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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