I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His nipple licking is glorious
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