Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
