If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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