I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
